NEUROSIS

Gashed and withered
the chronic nervousness
tramples over the lewd
trenches of my smirking attitude
and the unwillingness to laugh together

I am sitting with all these strangers
a toad smothered in slime
croaking for disrespect
and those silent looks
I am paranoid about
And yet somewhat enjoy.

Forever embellished by
thoughts of cock and no face
Forever stagnated
by complacency
and the crude mess I’ve left inside
They will never tell me what I am
And so I squirm in discomfort
sagged of self
and inept for people.

I have changed
So much I cannot recognize
but become amused by this
squeaky new paranoiac personality
and the pretext to not conform
I cannot even invent nor foresee

I perceive this new inadequacy more
as liberation than realization
and there’s a penis behind every thought
and an ignorance that permeates
these crunched temples
A scattered sense of identity
that no longer holds
to the whole
but to the hole
And this brutal embarrassment
I cannot sleep with
And these playground anxieties
I cringe and twist about

I am revitalized
and sucked
by this tantalizing bomb of candy neurosis.