until I disappear

I may shrink
for you

slowly waning
from the hard want
between your legs
Fading with every sunrise
and the voices in your night drinks

I may shrivel into a nine-letter-name
you'll recall with the mail
for you could become far less persistent
than with the rolled cigaretes you
recycle from the ashtray
and me less tangible than
the days on a calendar.

I may dissolve like your
photography under shampoo
the colors placidly defaced by
that striking pink I adore to
excite over.

it will all have been
a mythological spring
where vanity dictates
I pretend it was not real
our restleless urge
for one another travelling
up our spines
culminating in this unbearable
distance I can only reproach
for depriving me
of the sole thing I had
sought all my life.