intro to jazz

The pills are gone
and the Bukowski book is done
the last pages in his death bed
a skillful redemption
a realization
of that light long sought that
only rose before its execution.
He never knew how great life was
until it was almost gone
unlike my pills
and their heavenly grass scent

They want me to do so many things
things I simply cannot
foreign intricacies
that involve stapling on the smile

We think differently.
they enjoy translating laughter
and good life into happiness
and lift an eyebrow at
the possibility of not knowing
my silence assumed as restrained voice
not ever lack thereof

The shining people, they carry an innocuous speech like:
You're blowing it out of proportion, you're drowning in a glass of water, you worry too much, too deep, tragically ungrateful, excessive dramatization, childish fool, an exaggeration, distortion of reality, and hush I never said that

Only us
with the somber stares
know what it is
and if we become bright again
we shall forget, as all the others have
forgotten
how substantial is the
shrink of self
and attitude of desire,
all needs narrowed down
to three songs of django reinhardt
the clicking of awful and automatic poetry
the magnifying tensions below the neck
and fantasies of sleep

This is what I've become
useless for all art and expression
beyond the push of a button
or the determination of the cock

Ellington's 'caravan' just sprayed in
and if i´d make tunes like that
i wouldn't have to be pressing the repeat button so often
and wondering how late it is

at least I got this jazz MP3
out of that crappy rich kid university.
4,000 money canadian
I think it's worth it
it was daddy's investment anyway
even if I just couldn't learn the theory
or know if it was ellington or not

and though the shining ones claim it's rather early
we think differently, of course