spider solitaire

you can stop living
buried under
the numbing gleam
of sex and the city videos
and spider solitaire on the computer
and that empty email account
you keep on checking
a depression forming
on the green pull-out couch
where you've left your body
to just consume itself
and the mind to stagnate

no more questions nor
sorrows
just that premature sign of
defeat
wallowing in embarrasment
swallowing the crevice of your life
that no one sees and nothing enters
like that fungus creeping through
between the washroom tiles
its innocuous germs an
invisible catastrophe

that is what it's like
the want to want again
to have purpose
even in the unconquered land
and to not dread the rise
of each morning that reminds
you of how dead your life has become
and that it's all your fault.